Working in a hospital

I am really hoping that some day a medical professional reads this blog and gives me some sound advice.

I am working 8 hour days, two days a week, in our county hospital for clinical study hours. It's required that I have 800 hours before I graduate. It has been the most nerve racking, eye opening, character building experience of my life.

I have seen four motorcycle accidents, 8 gunshot wounds, and 11 stabbings just this last week. What baffles me is over half of them are self inflicted. I have had a total of 3 people die while I was there. For the most part they go so quietly you have no idea they are gone until you check their vitals.

The most dramatic that I have seen is a 21 yr old Marine, who was home on leave, and was hit by a drunk driver while he was on his motorcycle. They drilled a hole in his head to relieve pressure and then the next day he went into full arrest and died. I wasn't too surprised because when I suctioned his nose he didn't cough, or react in anyway when I hit his tissue. For the most part I have always been a drama queen. I think time, maturity, and alot of hard knocks upside the head have cured me of that. (Every now and then I will develop some for my mom, but that's about it. haahaha) But when I saw this young man die I just stood there after we were done and the only thing I could think to say is, "Well shit, that sucks." My heart goes out to his family and I promise I am not unfeeling in any way. I just didn't feel the great remorse that I once did. I hope that means that I will do good in the hospital setting. Time will tell.

My 2 Husbands

After many years of unhappiness and abuse I divorced my first husband. He was never affectionate with me, in fact he found pleasure in making me angry so that he had an excuse to be abusive. (This gives him the opprotunity to blame me for his outbursts) He is short tempered, loud, lazy, and full of crap 90% of the time. He felt that because we were married he didn't need to continue impressing me. Hell, he never impressed when we were dating. For the most part he is a decent dad. I would never go as far as to say he is a good dad, but he at least acknowledges the kids and spends time with them.

My husband now is the opposite. The day we met face to face he told me he knew I was to be his wife. He told me had prayed for me. He hugs me, kisses me and is always wanting to talk to me and spend time with me. He NEVER tells me he was better off single and even though he doesn't buy me things I know he loves me very much. I know that if I am tired or need a to be held he is more then willing to do it without expecting any kind of "favors" in return.

When we first met he was very negative and hard towards people. I have seen huge changes in him in the last two years. He isn't as negative and actually speaks kindly about people who have hurt him. He still has his moments, but he NEVER speaks ill of me. He has me on a pedestal that I am so afraid I can't live up to.

Since I got remarried my ex-husband has been able to be much more civil and focused on taking better care of our kids. We even go to dinner together, sometimes. My husband is very good about being kind and patient with my ex and understands the importance of being civil for the kids sake. When we have his kids over he always tries to have one on one time with each of them so that they know how much he loves them.

We have a little girl together that he has been taking care of while waiting to start school. He acts like she is a pain but I can see the special bond they have together. I would've been jealous but I am actually very happy that they are so close.

There is a huge difference in my two husbands and I am so grateful for William and the influence he has in my life. I am now in school and I am able to be myself and he accepts me. I believe that is what has built my confidence and I have been as successful as I am.

School Daze

I am going back to school to be a Respiratory Therapist. Originally my husband was the one who was going to go back to school and I was going to work. Once he was done then I would go to school.

I have waited over 10 yrs to go back to school and I knew with William I was going to be able to do that. I figured I would be 40 by the time I finished, but so what. Better late then never.

When my father in law found out what was going on he stepped up and offered to help us out so that both my husband and I could go to school together. We went in and took the entrance exam for the program. I passed, my husband didn't. He decided that he wanted to do something different. Unfortunately due to his scoliosis he will never be able to accomplish his original career objective. So he decided to pursue RT with me.

Going back to school I only have one objective. GRADUATE!! I want to do the best I can do but at least know what I am doing. I never imagined school would become what it has for me.

I completed my general ed with a 4.0. I was very proud of myself. Over 15 yrs has past since I did homework and back then I wasn't very good at. But I am determined to do well. I just completed my 2nd term with another 4.0!! The kicker is I received a scholarship from a foundation called Possible Woman Foundation. They awarded me $5000 for tuition and flew me out to Atlanta, GA for a recognition dinner and conference. It was the most incredible experience of my life.

I just received a call today from the director of my program and I have been invited to attend a board of directors meeting with all the administrators from the hospitals in our county. I am going to represent all the students that attend my school and program. I consider it to be an awesome compliment. I am there to basically speak for all my fellow students.

What blows my mind is that I am just Kate. Wife, mom, and grouchy Finance Manger at a boat dealership. I'm not out to become some super star student. I just want to graduate and make lots of money. hahahahaha

Seriously, I am honored and terrified all at the same time.